in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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