Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
