so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
