if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
