so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
