somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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