I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
