I am puke
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
