he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
