So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
