Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
