I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
