He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
