you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
