I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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