we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
