oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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