Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
They have beer where we have blood.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
