You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
