So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So many bounce houses so little time
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
