My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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