I'm so fucking centered right now
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
