he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
