You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
