I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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