I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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