chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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