im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
