if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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