Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
