Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
