these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
