i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize