the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
