Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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