every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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