He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
