sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
