at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
