What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
