weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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