i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
