Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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