it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
