she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
