i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
