I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
