Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
