do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
