I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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