I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
