if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
