I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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