I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just high enough for therapy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
