Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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