Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
only if we run a train.
done.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Sober January is a disaster.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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