When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
