I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
