I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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