I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
