idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
