ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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