I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize