it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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