She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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