How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
