Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
