we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
