I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
