shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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