Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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