I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
