I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
