I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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