He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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