so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
