Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
