I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
