sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
