We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
