Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
