I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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