I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
