I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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